Dealing with a person’s addiction requires a different attitude that does not come naturally to many people. Addicted persons take advantage of this to manipulate family members so they can continue drug use without interference.
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When family members or loved ones abuse drugs, it affects everyone they know. Their addiction can have emotional, psychological, financial, and environmental effects on the people who care about them most. Follow the advice below to cope with a drug-addicted family member or loved one.
Method 1 of 4: Educate Yourself About Addiction
1. Search online for information about your loved one’s form of addiction.
- With over 23 million Americans addicted and in need of treatment, only about 10% of people with an addiction actually seek and receive that help. If you are feeling hopeless and helpless towards your adult child’s addiction you may feel as though you have run out of options. Below are some things to keep in mind: Truly Understand Addiction.
- Addiction can have emotional, psychological, and financial effects on those closest to the person. If you are in this situation, there are things you can do to both support your loved one and take care of yourself. Although learning to deal with addiction is a long process, it will be worth it in the end.
- After about two years of dealing with the addiction, we constantly fought and we fought to the point where the police were involved. I still remember crying in a staircase at 6:45 in the morning after he kicked me out of his house in the middle of the night while I was extremely intoxicated or the time he cheated on me with a prostitute and he.
The optimal plan for addiction management and rehabilitation may vary according to the substance on which your loved one is dependent.
Priorities reading information from sites with a medical or scientific bias or trustworthy sites such as government or university sponsored information. There is information on the web but not everything you read about drug addiction is true or realistic.
Learning about the characteristics of your loved one’s drug and addiction can help you understand what to expect from addicts and how to best address the situation.
2. Look out for organizations such as Al-Anon, Ala-Teen and Nar-Anon which offer 12 Step programs for the families and friends of alcoholics and addicts.
They offer support for dealing with the addict and sharing with people in similar situations to you will quickly help you to understand the realities of addiction and recovery. These programs will also help you to recover from the emotional effects of a relationship with an active addict.
Method 2 of 4: Seek Professional and Specialist Help
1. Look into local detox clinics and rehabilitation centers. Ask a health professional or search online for local health facilities and inpatient care centers that can treat minors or willing addicts.
• Many drug addicts have other conditions – such as an undiagnosed mental health problem – that contributes to their addiction, so finding a detox center or hospital that can address all aspects of health for your loved one can make the difference between temporary and permanent recovery.
2. Search for local anonymous support groups.
Besides detoxification and rehabilitation, your loved one may need to attend group or independent therapy.
• Many organizations exist with regular (often daily) meetings to promote drug-free living and a support network of individuals who have conquered their addictions.
• These groups often offer anonymous support and follow the 12-Step program initially developed for Alcoholics Anonymous.
3. Speak with a professional therapist or counselor.
Besides learning about resources for your addicted loved one, it can be helpful for you and other family members to speak with a therapist or family counselor.
• Living with a drug addicted loved one can cause significant stress on other members of the household. Family therapy can be of tremendous help to confused or stressed parents, children, or romantic partners.
• Many schools have counselors available to help parents deal with drug-addicted children.
4. Encourage your loved one to seek help.
Do not ignore the drug use of your loved one. Instead, accept the addiction and the strain it is putting on the family or relationship. Respectfully ask or encourage your loved one to attend a doctor’s visit, therapy session, anonymous support group session, or detoxification clinic.
Method 3 of 4: Stage an Intervention
1. Ask for help from a professional.
Interventions should be planned and led by a professional for the best chance of success. A botched intervention risks your loved one becoming even more committed to their addiction.
2. Plan the intervention.
Decide who should be there, who will lead the session, how you will involve the addict, and what activities you will do during the intervention. Many interventions are led by a trained drug therapist or family counselor and have family members, friends, clergy members or teachers, and other influential people from the addict’s life in attendance. Consider all these options while planning an intervention suited to your loved one’s situation.
3. Confront your loved one about his or her substance abuse.
Some interventions involve a series of personal requests from loved ones to ask the addict to enter detox therapy and rehabilitation, while others involve reading letters to the addict aloud or sharing personal feelings about the difficulty of seeing a loved one suffer from addiction. Be prepared for what you will do depending on your loved one’s response.
Method 4 of 4: Persevere but Set Boundaries
1. Offer your emotional support but do not enable the addiction.
Do not give money to your loved one to allow him or her to continue to buy drugs or alcohol, but do remind your loved one that you are ready and willing to help him or her find help.
2. Develop effective communication skills.
Many difficult relationships can fall into communication ruts that make it harder for both parties to express themselves effectively.
• Consider reading a self-help book or speaking with a counselor about the appropriate way to address a loved one who suffers from addiction.
• Learning how to communicate better can enable you to focus on conversations that make progress toward seeking help instead of spiraling into negativity, blaming, threats, or shouting matches.
3. Offer to attend therapy with your addicted loved one.
If you suspect that your loved one is unable or unwilling to attend therapy or support groups alone, make it clear that you are willing to offer support by attending sessions or detoxification treatment with him or her.
4. Know your limits and don’t accept unacceptable behavior.
Be prepared to maintain personal safety by cutting ties if the addict’s behavior warrants it. Behavior that may lead you to consider whether you need to separate yourself and any other family members you care for from the situation include:
• If your family member or loved one is violent or abusive toward you or other family members or loved ones
• Endangering the home or family with risky behavior (such as using drugs near children or conducting drug deals on the property),
• Putting the family’s economic stability in jeopardy (by draining the bank account or selling items from the home to pay for the habit)
• If necessary, consider options such as reporting the addict’s illegal behavior to civil authorities, admitting a minor to an in-patient substance abuse program, relocating without announcing your new location, or demanding the addict leave the home and not return until sober.
Dating in itself is already stressful. The problems that typically plague standard relationships, from forgetting an anniversary to cheating, create an almost impenetrable barrier in the relationship. Add in a drug-ridden past or present into the mix, and the relationship is not only stressful, but also very unpredictable.
I've had three serious relationships in my life, and two of them were with drug addicts. Dating became a daily juggling act between love and drugs, between happiness and utter devastation. I was constantly in a state of limbo about the success of my partner and the future of our relationship. This is my personal experience dating a drug addict. Although it won't be the same for everyone, maybe some of you can relate.
Dealing With A Crack Cocaine Addict
If you're romantically involved with a current or former drug addict, just know it's not all bad. Dating a drug addict, as with dating anyone, comes with pros and cons.
Con: Lack of trust
Drug addicts, even if they have been clean for months or years, are difficult to trust. For part of their lives, addicts have been consumed with obtaining drugs and finding money to pay for them. Even if they swear they're clean, trusting them completely is going to take time.
It's hard to believe they could save money when the thought of buying drugs is always lurking in the back of their minds. They also have probably become experts at lying and making excuses about their whereabouts, friends and money, so you'll want to check up on them constantly.
It also goes the other way. If recovering addicts are trying to push their pasts as far away from the relationship as possible, they will eventually resent you for questioning them.
Con: Uncertainty
There is a reason addicts continue attending Narcotics Anonymous meetings and therapy sessions; dealing with addiction is a lifelong battle. Some days are better than others, but the temptation to use drugs is a strong force that can set back years of progress. As an addict's significant other, you take on that anxiety and worry.
You constantly have to be wondering if the person you love has relapsed. What is worse is you'll also have to consider how you'll deal with relapse if it happens.
Con: Second place
To recovering or present addicts, drugs are no. 1, the top priority, the best things in the world. Their bond with drugs will be stronger than their bond with you, because drugs are easier.
Even the best relationships are sometimes messy and chaotic, but drugs are an immediate escape and a quick way to temporary nirvana. There are, of course, exceptions to this. Some addicts realize that they've given up the truly important things in their life, and work as hard as they can not to mess them up again.
Pro: Dependent
Ever hear the saying, 'Replace one habit with another'? It's incredibly true, especially among addicts. When trying to come or stay off drugs, they often switch vices. Smoking cigarettes, exercising or having sex are popular stand-ins. But beginning a serious relationship can be another substitute.
Dealing With A Crack Addict
This quality could go either way, depending on the type of person you are. If you're a fan of space, inconsistent talking and independence, dating an addict will bring out your worst.
But if you like knowing you're an emotional support system for someone and enjoy interdependence, you'll thrive in this relationship. Addicts will need you as much, if not more, than you need them, and it's nice to know you're their source of happiness.
Pro: Realistic expectations
A major perk of dating someone with a checkered past is that they most likely won't judge you for yours. You have both made questionable choices or have done hurtful things at some point, so there is a mutual understanding that mistakes happen, and they don't mark the end of the world.
Dealing With A Crack Addict
Addicts will also be more forgiving with blunders made during the relationship for similar reasons. Instead of walking on eggshells in a relationship, you can approach it confidently since you know the relationship will probably survive.
Pro: Emotionally available
Recovering addicts are (hopefully) going to meetings and therapy sessions regularly. Overcoming an addiction involves being as open and honest as possible with those close to you, talking out your problems and frustrations and learning how to live a sober, satisfying life.
Addicts spend a lot of time working on themselves and their relationships on the path to sobriety, so they can apply all those lessons to your relationship.